Hello everyone, and welcome to another round of reader submissions here at Every Girl I’ve Ever Kissed. I’d like to start things out by saying thank you to the people who sent a story in, and encourage anyone who thought about sending in a story to do so for next month’s installment of reader submissions.
Anyway, on to our first story!
I'm home for Christmas break, looking to catch up with some old friends and have a simple time at home. My best friend invites me to the annual high school friends' Christmas party she coordinates where I'm promised jolly times of baking and cookie decorating. Being that I was an honorary graduate from their high school, I attended sure I would have a pleasant evening.
The party went as planned, and in addition to a wholesome dinner at the host's home with their family the evening turned into a lot of vodka, beer, and sugar cookies. I, however, stuck to a couple of glasses of wine, remaining pretty sober for the night. Towards the end of the evening I'd spent several hours talking with one guy and we end up in his car making out. To clarify, by "towards the end of the evening" I mean around 6 am. So there we are, and all of the sudden there are headlights on the car. We assume it's someone from inside the house making a funny. No, it is a policeman, and he does not think we're very funny.
The policeman takes our licenses to run them, apparently there had been a number of break-ins in the area and his car had been reported for suspicious activity. Fortunately for us, our suspicious activity wasn't illegal. The conversation with the policeman ended about like this-
Policeman- "So, if you aren't robbing houses… I mean are you just messing around? You can be honest with me."
Us- "Yaah officer. We're just making out."
Policeman- "Alright. Well just make sure no one can see in the car, whatever you're doing."
Thanks officer, but I called it a night/morning after that. Sometimes you just know when it's time to go.
I cannot imagine the amount of fear I would be feeling if that were me. I would easily have a panic attack. Also, imagine the story from the policeman’s point of view, thinking, “what is going on in that car? I think I’ve caught someone in the middle of a break-in . . . nope . . . wait, just two kids making out. False alarm.”
On to the next story!
Kiss me badly once, shame on you. Kiss me badly twice, shame on me.
Everyone remembers a few specific kisses in their lifetime. Their first kiss. Their first make out. Their first kiss with a person they really like. And their first terrible kiss. Today, I will talk about the bad ones. Because honestly sometimes they are more entertaining.
My first bad kiss was in high school, but it was pretty uneventful. Basically the guy tried to see how far his tongue could go into my mouth. I remember thinking “WHAT is he doing? …Is he enjoying this?” I never kissed him again, needless to say.
Another memorable bad kiss I experienced was my freshman year in college. I will refer to this guy as Mr. Skunk. The reason for his name is because once he farted in front of me and it smelled TERRIBLE. Not only did it smell like death but it was also noisy. So gross. There we were cuddled up in my dorm room, just us, and he just ripped it. Nothing is more unattractive than a noisy smelly boy fart. Ok, back to the kiss. Before the farting incident happened, Mr. Skunk came over to watch a movie. And as we all know the come-over-to-watch-a-movie move is a sure sign that you are going to make out. In my opinion, if you invite a girl over to watch a move and you actually watch the movie then you’re a failure as a man. Sure enough half way through the movie Mr. Skunk kissed me. It was fine at first but then all the sudden he did this strange lick my lips move. Let me describe it: he used the tip of his tongue to outline my lips. It was not enjoyable and after the lips licking and the fart Mr. Skunk was changed to ‘don’t answer’ in my phone.
I hope these two boys have had kissing lessons since our tragic kisses. If not, I feel bad for their next victim.
This brings up a topic I’d like to talk about: How do you know if you are a bad kisser? Both of these guys are probably still going through life leaving a trail of disappointment (and general crop dust) in their wake. And they have no idea. Years later (possibly today), they’ll find out that they are a terrible kisser and people have been talking about their bad kisses behind their backs, to their friends, on blogs, etc, which is the kissing equivalent of someone telling you that you have a piece of food in your teeth or a very visible booger in your nose after a job interview/hot date/meeting your significant other’s family. “Everyone knew but me! Why didn’t they say anything” they’ll scream into the heavens.
Which is why, no matter how bad, the terrible kissers should have been told. If you kiss someone who is a terrible kisser and you do nothing, you are just damning another person to experience a terrible (and potentially smelly) kiss. Sure it will be awkward, but someone else will be thanking you. And if no one ever says anything? THIS COULD HAPPEN:
And now, on to our last story! I am a huge fan of this story, mainly because it made me put on my detective’s hat to try and figure out who some of the characters were. It also made me miss the now-defunct Dirty’s Tavern in Stillwater, but that isn’t as important. Here is the story:
In Stillwater, Thursday nights were as good as the weekend because everyone would be ready to go out to the bars on the Strip and party – and go to class with a hangover the next morning. This day was no different for me. It was the fall semester of 2009 when ???? and I locked lips.
I met one of my good friends from high school and his fraternity brothers at Dirties Tavern and that’s when I realized another one of our buddies from high school/college was in town who had graduated the previous spring semester (I went to school with both of them since elementary school). “Barry” was also a member of the fraternity when he was in college at Oklahoma State University.
As the crowds piled in, Dirties started to get crazy, as it always did because of the Thursday night beer special, $5 drown nights and ladies drink free. Friends and I had been there for a while and by this time Dirties was hopping. I started to feel pretty drunk when my friend, “Barry” was talking to ???? when he introduced me to her. We had small talk and then parted our own ways. Five minutes later, I was talking to “Barry” and the rest of his fraternity brothers when ???? came up from behind me and grabbed me and started to kiss me. As any man would do, I put my arm around her and started kissing her back and made-out. We had a long kiss right there in front of her sorority sisters and my buddy’s fraternity brothers. Once it concluded, she says, “He was right, you are a really good kisser.” And then we started kissing again, and in the meantime I was thinking, “Who is he?”
Once the second session ended, we started talking and all of her sorority sisters were ‘oh, you all are so cute’ and blah, blah, blah…… We ended up hanging out together the rest of that night at Dirties and then went to Murphy’s, another bar on the strip, everyone ends up migrating to around 1:00/1:30 a.m. until closing time of 2 a.m. As we parted ways, we unofficially made arrangements to meet at Dirties the following night. “Barry” told me it wasn’t going to happen but it did as well as Saturday night. By this time, there were a lot of friends from high school that were in sororities that were saying ???? and I would make a great couple. At the end of Saturday night, I asked ???? for her number and said we ought to start hanging out apart from the bars. She entered her phone number in my cell phone and then we parted ways because she was going home since the night was almost over and the bars were about to close.
“Barry,” one of his fraternity brothers, and I ended up walking out of Murphy’s together, but we weren’t ready to call it a night so we were looking for an after party. During this time I asked “Barry” about ????. He told me, I didn’t have a chance because he already tried and she turned him down, in the past. He informed me, she asked him to point out one of his fraternity brothers for her to kiss when he told her to kiss me. As an arrogant drunk, I thought I would prove him wrong because after all: we kissed, we hung out together three nights in a row, I got her number, her sorority sisters and my friends that were in sororities said we would make a great couple. It was progressing well, right?
The three of us ended up stumbling across some random party at some guys’ apartment that used to be part of a night club on the Strip. Like some arrogant, bad-ass drunk guys, we walked in like we owned the place; we started meeting people and they gave us beers. We ended up meeting the guys that actually lived there and come to find out they went to a rival high school of ours ( “Barry” and I), and we knew a lot of the same people. Something ended up getting broken or stolen so then the guys kicked everyone out. At that point, we ended up calling it a night.
The next day, my hangover lingered on and on but I wanted to contact ???? so I sent ???? a text message to break the ice and buy time for recovering from the previous night. Time progressed, but no response so later that evening I decided to call ????. A lady answers the phone and I asked for ????, she responds, “Who are you looking for?” I tell her again, and she says you must have the wrong number.
I added ???? as a friend on Facebook one of the previous days so I sent her a Facebook message asking for her number and said lets hangout (Yes, it was stupid looking back but men do stupid things with the combination of women and alcohol/hangovers). She ended up deleting the Facebook post and never responded.
Thursday rolled around again and so I did the same as the following week minus “Barry” who lives in Oklahoma City. Again, I saw ???? so I asked the guys that I was hanging out with if I should talk to her, I really wanted to but they were all saying no, screw her, she gave you a wrong number. I ended up not talking to ???? again. To make the matters worse, I kept running into ????’s best friend, we’ll call “Katie.” I kept running into “Katie” at Wal-Mart, walking on campus, in the library, on the Strip and everywhere in between; it was almost like she was stalking me. The conversations with “Katie” were pretty awkward at best. A handful of times I asked “Katie” for ????’s number, but she never would give it to me. She would reply, “I can’t do that to my friend”. ???? ended up graduating in the Spring 2010.
For me, I was one of those 5th year seniors so I thought it was a new beginning in the fall 2010. But no, “Katie” was still in school and continued running into her everywhere I went, eventually discovering she lived in the apartment building next to mine.
The start of the fall semester means football season starts shortly thereafter. At OSU, tailgating is a major party atmosphere where everyone gets pretty drunk (or it might be just me). While tailgating at my friend’s fraternity’s tailgate, I met “Megan” and we hit it off pretty well. I started to run into her at the bars whenever I would go out after the games or the usual weekly outings. By this time, Dirties closed and Outlaws opened which is a new hot spot on the Strip.
Following one of the football games about mid-way through the season, I ran into ????. We had a good conversation for about 10 minutes until she asked me, “Why don’t you ever come and see me in Tulsa?” I proceeded to tell her I didn’t have her number when ???? accused me of lying as she claimed to have given me her number. I informed her it was the wrong number, then ????’s sorority sisters said she gave me her number and ???? would never do the contrary. My counter argument was “Mistakes happen, we were both drunk and that’s why I sent you a Facebook message asking you for your number but you deleted it and never responded.” Her sorority sister said she didn’t do that, she really liked you; you all dated, you all were boyfriend-girlfriend. I told them we never dated nor were boyfriend-girlfriend; I didn’t ever have here phone number, to say the least. Then, ???? said she can’t handle this because she use to really like me but now I am just a jerk and walked off.
“Megan” and I danced with each other several times at Outlaws and hung out at the bars. She was in a sorority but I didn’t know which one. Later on, I discovered she was in the same sorority as ???? and “Katie.” Great. But, I never saw any of the sorority sisters that knew about ???? and me, until one night I saw “Katie” come out to the patio at Murphy’s when I was with “Megan” and her pledge sisters. “Katie” came up and started talking to her sisters and acknowledged me in a sinister tone of voice. I was sober so I started to stress out about the situation. Subsequently, I started chugging mix drinks one after the other to get a ‘buzz’ because of the awkward situation. Later that night, “Megan” gave me her number and we ended up leaving together at closing time. Her friend that drove her and some of her sister’s home gave me a ride as well.
I tried calling “Megan” days later but no answer/ return phone call.
Several weeks passed before I saw “Megan” which said she never got the call.
At Murpheys after a Saturday evening football game, I saw “Megan” sitting on the outside picnic table under the fake, lighted palm tree. Two people over from her was ????, and by this time I was feeling pretty drunk and obnoxious so I went up to “Megan” and started dancing on her and she began dancing as well.
???? saw it so she started talking to some random guy next to her, and not even two minutes later she started kissing him again and again.
“Megan’s“ friends told me they tried to tell her we would make a great couple but it never worked out so the truth is pretty somber, ‘enough is enough.’
That is it for January’s reader submissions. As always, send your stories to email@example.com and you can be a part of February’s reader submissions. By the time next month’s stories are posted Valentine’s Day will have come and gone, so what better time to go and experience a crazy kissing story to share with the world on Every Girl I’ve Ever Kissed?
See you next month!LUKE